Oh my God.. I'm such a cruel person..

On Friday, I was walking home from my campus, and I saw in front of me a blind lady also walking side-by-side with her guide dog. I recognized that she is also in my class and thought to myself that she must also be walking home. I was walking fairly quickly because it was cold and I didn't have enough clothes on because I originally planned to stay at the library and wait until my aerobics class starts at 4. But then I got hungry and I forgot to bring any cash, also haven't filled up any money on my student card. So I decided to go home, get a light snack so I wouldn't faint at kickboxing aerobics.

Anyway, back to the story.. I was also walking quickly because I came to an intersection and I didn't want to miss the crossing light. I noticed that the blind lady stopped because the dog stopped. The dog must've recognized the intersection. However, guide dogs are not taught to recognize crossing light, so the owner is responsible to cross safely. I did not know this at that time! I thought a guide dog can do everything for the blind owner. So, as I walked passed the blind lady, I heard a voice calling, "excuse me!" I turned around but I didn't see anybody behind me except for the blind lady. At that time, I didn't think that the blind lady needed help because I've never interacted with any blind people before. Usually when people say "excuse me" they needed direction or maybe I've dropped something. So, I kept walking and crossed the road. After I crossed, I started to realize that it might've been the blind lady calling me to ask guidance to cross the road. Those thoughts were just coming so quickly like a bunch of arrows coming at you simultaneously. I was so speechless and felt very terrible. I don't know why I didn't walk back and find her if she still needed help. I don't know why I just kept walking. Oh my God, I felt very selfish and arrogant. Oh my God... I'm so sorry.

I felt so bad that I started to think. Maybe I need a personality makeover or something. I need to be more open, especially towards new people. I don't interact well with new people. Maybe this was why I ignore random people that try to communicate with me. Maybe this is the Asian way, you know, being arrogant.. or in Indonesian slang terms, "eloe eloe, gue gue.." But, I know deep down I don't have that kind of personality. I may seem to be like that because I'm generally shy toward people, especially the new ones. But, even if maybe I have that personality a little bit, I shouldn't be. Man, I don't live in Indonesia anymore. I pretty much grew up here. I came here when I was 9, then went back to Indonesia and came here again when I was 12 and stayed here until now. I really should change and be more open like those Canadians who like to throw smiles at random people that they see. Canadians tend to be very warm and they make everybody feel welcome. This is especially IMPORTANT considering that I'm choosing health services to be my main career. How will I interact with patients? Maaann... Maybe I should volunteer at the hospital again so I get to practice to meet new people and help patients. But I need a real job, something that pays. I wish those pharmacies would consider university students.. *sighs*

Well, last week I dropped off three resumes already at 3 pharmacies at Connestoga Mall. I need to find other pharmacies nearby. It's so hard because I don't even know Waterloo that much. Two pharmacies turned me down already, but two are not enough to make me give up. I'm searching for more. I need to stop slacking off and study, work, study, work, study, work.. T__T

Alright, this is it for now, I need to finish my last chemistry lab report of the term!

Bye for now!